Why is it that no matter how kind, thoughtful, and professional you are, you still find yourself at the mercy of a rude colleague who will badger you with false claims and an aggressive tone up until you put your tail between your legs and take blame for something you didn’t do?

I mean seriously. You’re giving it your all to be respectful, see things from their side, and prevent things from escalating. Yet it’s all backfiring on you. Now you’re spending weeks stressing over the situation, replaying moments over and over until you lose sleep from the injustice and outright gaslighting. 

But you just can’t set things straight. Anytime you try to stand up for yourself, you get “put in your place” from their aggressive tactics and disrespectful behavior. Your years of experience doesn’t mean anything to them.

So you vent to just about anyone who’d listen. People tell you all the things you should have said and done. You start reading books and watching videos on being more assertive and building confidence. But when it happens again, you have 1 or 2 retorts before being beaten down to a pulp once again. 

What’s going on? Are you just destined to be people’s punching bag because you’re a sensitive introvert? No – absolutely no. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. 

The problem is that you think learning to say the “right things” in an assertive tone is the solution when, in fact, it’s only 10% of the solution.

Here’s the thing, you think the problem started when the conflict took place. But it started way before that. It started the moment your colleague met you and was brewing with every interaction since. The actual conflict was simply a moment where stars aligned and they leaped onto the opportunity to step on you.

You see, for someone like them to be aggressive, disrespectful, and manipulative towards you means that they got all the signs that you’re an easy target for their toxicity. You ticked all the right boxes for them. 

It’s not just the things you say, but the way you say it, your body-language, and on top of it all, how much of a read you have on them. And right now, you’re radiating “I’m shy, have a poor self-esteem, am overly nice to anyone no matter what, and don’t notice any red flags about you”.

And this represents a much bigger problem. 

That you’re currently being ruled by self sabotaging perspectives and negative coping mechanisms that were built in your past – often in childhood and young adulthood. Things that you may have addressed in some way, but have not properly processed and grown out of. Things that literally prevent you from seeing your worth and keep you small. Which prevents others from seeing your worth and view you as small.

AND 

That you don’t have a robust system of reading people and learning how to talk to them in their language. You’re just currently going off what you feel which is both ineffective and time consuming.

With both of these unsolved, saying “right things” during conflict will have little to no effect. Because everything else about you does not align with the self respect that’s in those words you say. 

Solving these two things are exactly what I do in my 1:1 clients in my 4 week intensive. I help my clients re-write their old subconscious framework into one that supports their growth and gets them to radiate “I’m kind, understanding, but seriously do not get in my way”. On top of that, I teach them an easy to use system that allows them to accurately get a read on people and know how to talk in their language so that their ears perk up. The best part of it all, is that by the end of it, you won’t even need to know what exactly to say during conflict or how to be assertive. You’ll be coming up with your own words that are better than what anyone else can give you, and you’ll be saying it with newfound energy that might just be a little intimidating 😉 

If you’re tired of being undermined at work despite years of experience and you’re finally ready to overcome anxiety and find your natural assertiveness, book a strategy call with me and see if we’d be a fit together.